If Each Club Was A Country

With that strange time between end of season and start of Euros, much like between Christmas and New Years, I thought id write a very tongue in cheek comparison of what, if every Premier League team were a country. Some I believe are very accurate, and some are very tenuous.

Leicester City – Papua New Guinea

You are surprised right? Well I bet you didn’t know that Papua New Guinea has the highest growth in GDP this year. Just like the surprise that Leicester gave us this season.

Arsenal – China

They don’t like changing their leaders regularly, and the views’ on the leader are mixed, but no amount of protests will get rid of him. Their use of computers is impressive they always win online polls.

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Spurs – India

They are always trying to be better than China, but never quite succeeding. On the boarder line of a super power

Man City – UAE

Constantly spending money on useless expenditures like the Burj Khalifa (Raheem Stirling). They are building an infrastructure for a population that isn’t there.

Man United – America

They are the biggest Country in the world, and were once the envy of the international community, they could do anything, but lately they suck, every decision they make today seems to back fire.

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Southampton – Iceland

Iceland is an incredibly efficient country; it develops 100% renewable energy, for a small country it does pretty well all on its own. What talent it does have often leaves for bigger and better things.

West Ham – South Africa

Has a history of violence and was the black sheep of the international family, but recently it has tried to clean up its attitude and is building its self to be quite a formidable force.

Liverpool – Britain

They were once one of the biggest countries in the world, but now they have lost their mojo, but still try to make themselves sound important. Everyone must know about their history.

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Stoke City – Germany

Germany gave the world the rise of Hitler, Stoke gave the premier league Tony Pulis. We loved him at the time and I’m sure Germans are thankful for the Autobahn’s but now we are glad he is gone. People constantly making jibs about the wars, but they keep forgetting we have changed.

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Chelsea – Russia

The country run by a power hungry leader, it likes to buy its success, spending millions on its image, for it to be for nothing when they assassinate other Russian leaders, just like sacking their managers every year.

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Everton – Scotland

Constantly living in the shadows of its larger neighbours, always trying to distinguish its self from Britain. Likes to make them selves’ sound bigger than they are.

Swansea City – Spain

It went bankrupt once, so they had to take much of the industry into public ownership, even though Brits flock there every year it still has some foreign flair.

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Watford – Turkey

I didn’t really have anything for Watford, but like Turkey they are trying to be European just like Watford are trying to be a London Club, I really had nothing here.

West Brom – Belgium

Its like that game name 10 famous Belgium’s, name the West Brom starting line up. Also Belgium can be quite boring, ever sat through a EU parliament debate on the size on Bananas?

Crystal Palace – Poland

Ultras and plumbers

Bournemouth – Canada

Its just a nice club, you can’t really say anything bad about it, their Prime Minister is young and could be the next best thing.

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Sunderland- South Korea

They hate their neighbours, full of old American military hardware, which is on its last legs. It has a very low age of consent… 13.

Newcastle – North Korea

It spends millions each year on its attack and defence force for it to fail. Their leader doesn’t care about its people and it excludes members of the press it doesn’t like.

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Norwich – New Zealand

Its just a long way out there and has nice country side, and cousins get married in Lord of the Rings. Every bit of success they have seems to end quickly, much like Alan Partridge.

Aston Villa – Syria

Was once a force to be reckoned with in the Middle East (midlands), they were stable but now it has descended into chaos.

Written by Dan Morris

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